She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
