He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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