Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
