at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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