you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize