Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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