just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
