They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
