you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
