Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
