If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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