Ambien. No doubt about it.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
