Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
