I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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