I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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