He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
