Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
