haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
