You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
