i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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