He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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