the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
