I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize