so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
