Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
how drunk are you?
Several
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize