ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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