i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
