we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
