doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
