the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
