U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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