At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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