Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
