If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
