sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
