i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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