cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize