just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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