Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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