Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
