Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
