i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
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