I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Someone signed my nipple.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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