i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
