my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
