I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
