so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
