A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
