i would punch a child for taco bell
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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