Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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