That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
