Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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