Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
