Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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