Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
