i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Someone shit on the floor
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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