Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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