I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
