currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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