I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
