help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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