onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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