What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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