You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
