I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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