and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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