I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
