Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
