I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
