And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
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That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
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That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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